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Neighbor News

Preparing yourself to Interview well

Our self-talk holds the power to alter our moods and our mood effects how well we interview.

The working title for this article started out as “Better-Than/Less-Than” because I want to call your attention to the fact that we are often unaware of our feelings other than we are nervous and tense. All of us, job seekers and interviewers, everyone engages in self- talk. Our self-talk holds the power to alter our moods and our mood effects how well we interview.

For the sake of this article, let’s imagine that you are driving to an interview and it is quiet in the car. There’s no radio on, your music is off and you are not talking on the phone. It is quiet. You are thinking of things that you need to get done that day and other tasks. When you start imagining that you are at the interview and your imagination takes over. It is not going well; they noticed your gray hair. And you kick yourself for not dying your hair – and the next thing that happens is that you are now angry. Angry at yourself, angry at imagined slights, and you have set yourself up for failure at the interview. In fact, you expect failure.

Toxic Thinking

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These are symptoms of what Debbie Colitti calls the “The Better Than/Less Than Syndrome.” Negative self-talk is toxic to the thinker and it is habit forming and contagious. I am bringing this up to make you aware that this could be you. For example, as mature worker (40+), we readily acknowledge that our age is a problem and that age discrimination is real, so we are negative and set up a negative expectation.

Did you notice that in our imaginary drive to the interview, I made the car quiet? Often that is not the case. In our modern society we are rarely quiet in the car, in fact we have very little quiet time at any time unless you count the time we spend sleeping. If you distract yourself on the way to your interview with all kinds of noise from radio, TV, iPod, texts, and phone calls. This noise and negative self-talk can slip into your unconscious with you unaware of the damage that it is doing.

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Job seekers have lots of opportunity for quiet time and to check into their internal self-talk. Here is an exercise to help you to hear your self-talk. Sit in a quiet room, clear your mind; focus on breathing in goodness and exhaling negativity. Try not to think about anything. Take note of thoughts that prevent you from being quiet, write them down, so you can think about them when your quiet time is completed. Return to being absolutely quiet. Repeat this exercise until you can get at least two minutes of quiet time, then try to extend the quiet time to 5 minutes. If you can eventually reach 15 minutes, you will know what it is like to have internal peace.

Underlying Feelings

It is important to catch and disrupt any critical or comparing activity, so you can get to the real feelings underneath the self-talk. Many times the feeling is one of failure; that you are not good enough; or just too old. Feelings are not always correct; they are simply feelings, neither right nor wrong. It is important to catch any incorrect feelings, correct your self-talk and bury the negativity so it cannot come back to harm you.

This is a great time to build your self-esteem by using the truth about your ability. Mature workers have a history of performing and they have a wealth of experience. You are good enough and you have plenty of examples that prove your ability. Review and add to your list of accomplishments, so you have them ready for use during the interview. Work on your elevator pitch, because it reminds you that you are capable and an asset to the right organization.

Let’s say that your gray hair issue will not leave you alone. It keeps coming up during your quiet time. That is when you know that you must do something about your hair. It keeps coming back. Go to a hairstylist and have your hair dyed, you will feel great and those damaging feelings will be gone. For men, this happens often with facial hair. Should I or shouldn’t I shave my facial hair? If the question comes up, it is an issue for you. Save your energy for more important issues. Shave, you can always grow it back once you land the job.

Staying Balanced

It is so important to stay self-aware before, during and after the interview. So, turn off the radio, stay off the phone and keep the internal noise to positive self-talk. Do not rush to the interview. Leave early, scout the neighborhood, and find a coffee shop or library where you can get your butterflies in formation.

Don’t try to calm yourself in the lobby of the interviewing organization. Don’t take a coffee or water to help you relax. Don’t sit and read a magazine in the lobby. Take a nature break in advance at the coffee shop or library.

Arrive in the parking lot 15 minutes early, walk in the door with 10 minutes to spare and take in the ambience of the lobby. Don’t relax; your natural tension and the importance of the interview will have you naturally high. Put this positive energy into your greeting to the receptionist and the person that greets you for the interview. Stay self-aware so that you will be able to take in all of the information offered by the new people you are meeting who could be your future co-workers.

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