A Dublin Widower Shares His Story: 'I Know She's Watching Over Us'

For Dublin resident Josh So, the past two months have been about change: unexpected, unfathomable and undeniable.

Two days before Thanksgiving, Josh and his wife Anna, both 36, were headed to the hospital to welcome the birth of their second son, Jake. A day intended for joy and celebration quickly became full of loss and heartache. Anna, a healthy marathon runner and tri-athlete, died of what doctors believe was an amniotic fluid embolism. 

Although he's still waiting for final confirmation on the cause, Josh knows the results won't dull the pain.

"I think asking why is just going to eat you up."

Since that awful day, Josh has had to care for his newborn son, who has been hospitalized with health problems; he's interviewed and hired two nannies (one for the day, one for the night); and enrolled his 3-year-old son Ryan in preschool. All while grieving Anna's death. With all of the stress, frustration, anger and disbelief, including the lack of sleep, he's lost almost 30 pounds.

He's dealt with Social Security, financial issues, and trying to cope with everyday occurrences. He's also had to cancel family trips that were planned, including a trip to Hawaii the couple had scheduled to take in March. Josh, who sat down with Patch recently, said one of the hardest parts is the shock.

"Not having control of something and having your life kind of collapse in a half hour... from everything going really well to, 'Sorry about your wife,' " he said.

College Sweethearts

Josh and Anna were married for 11 years and had been together for 17. He went to college at the University of California, Davis, and she attended the University of California, Berkeley. They had much in common, including their equally competitive nature.

The couple met during their freshman year of college and theirs was a love that Josh detailed in a . He shared that letter with Patch readers last month.

"I still remember the day I met you. You were vibrant, assertive and had the most outgoing personality I could ever imagine," he wrote.

"Words cannot express how lonely I am without you. It also breaks my heart that Ryan will not have his mommy anymore and worse Jakey will not know his mother at all," added Josh in what he referred to as the "Letter to my beautiful wife Anna."

As a tribute to Anna, Josh recently had her name tattooed on his back along with the dates of her birth and death: Jan. 1975 — Nov. 2011.

A Community Steps Up to Help

Following Anna's death, her neighbors made sure the family wasn't alone. Some made signs to welcome home Jake, others gave money and many volunteered to bring meals to the family for weeks. So much food, in fact, that the father of two says he had to freeze some of it.

Josh said he's grateful for the support he received, both from the community and his church, Cornerstone Church in Livermore. None of the gestures, from the meals, to calls from people checking up on him, went unnoticed.

"Thank you for being very, very supportive."

When word of , complete strangers reached out to help. A woman in Omaha, Neb., offered to send clothes. Another reader suggested preschools for Ryan and others said they would continue to pray for the family.

Josh admits he was "very surprised" by the outpouring of compassion.

60 Days of Change

Not long after Anna's death, Josh was back at the hospital. Jake was hospitalized for 10 days over Christmas with a stomach virus and two infections. During the ordeal, the baby lost weight and battled a fever. Thankfully, he's now home and just had his 2-month-old checkup.

Ryan started attending preschool four days a week. He's making friends and loving school.

"The first day he went to school he was like, 'Bye Daddy, I'll see you later.' "

Josh acknowledges that he doesn't think his young son really understands the loss quite yet. 

After all, how can you expect a child to understand something even adults don't?

Recently, Josh asked his dad a question.

"He asked, 'Can I go to heaven to go see Mommy?'" Josh told his son that "Mommy said it's not your time yet... you've got to hang out with Daddy and Jake and Grandparents."

It's Not Something You Expect

Josh So never imagined he'd be in this situation. The young widower says it's important for others to learn from what he's had to go through in regard to picking up the pieces following his wife's death.

"Unfortunately we put stuff off," he said, referring to having their affairs in order. "I felt really unprepared."

Josh has had to maximize the resources he's been able to find but is considering writing a book so that others can have direction in the event they too experience the unimaginable. He urges other parents and families to make sure a will and living trust are set up now.

"There's no guide that tells you... 'Ok, your spouse just passed away... you have two small children, here's what you do.'"

Remembering a Mom and Wife

Sitting at , Josh pulls out his phone. Scrolling through photos, the images are a reminder of a vibrant, healthy, young woman who clearly loved being a wife and a mother. The photos reveal Anna, Josh and Ryan living a life full of routines in the Dublin community: trips to , a walk down Fallon and a typical stop at Peet's.

"It was right here," said Josh, pointing out a photo of Anna standing not far from where we were sitting.

Josh recalls sitting in the same section of church where he and his wife once sat and how it brings back memories. Thanks to technology, many of those memories will be kept alive.

"We still have videos of her... [in one] she's telling Ryan, 'Good job'... we play that over and over again," he said. "He loves watching it... he pats himself on the back and says, 'I did a good job.'"

That job of parenting is now left to Josh. Anna So would have turned 37 today. Although she is gone, her legacy will continue on in the husband and two small boys she left behind.

"I know she's watching over us."