Back to School – for Parents Too

With our children heading back to school many researchers agree the most influential factor in the success of our children at school is us – parents and guardians.  A 2004 Harvard Family Research Project found that broadly defined parental involvement and in particular parent expectations "constitute a powerful way through which parents can encourage continuously the educational attainments of their adolescents in high school and beyond."  The Harvard study followed a cohort of eighth graders over many years leveraging data from the National Educational Longitudinal Study of 1988.

The National Parent Teacher Association (www.pta.org) agrees that "parent involvement has a positive effect on student success" – and has published guidelines on family-school partnerships, options for getting involved and the challenges parents face in participating in their children's education.

Unfortunately, the Harvard study also highlights that as our children get older parental involvement tends to decrease – perhaps in part because it is harder to help our children with high school courses (even the non-AP variety) or perhaps because it is just plain harder to get a teenager to accept help.

The challenge for parents is to stay involved – even when our teenagers push back.  I asked the Dublin High School sophomore in our household what she thinks of getting help from her parents and she responded this way, "getting help when I ask for help is great… but getting help or advice that I didn't ask for is annoying."

Hence the challenge – how helpful is too helpful?  Is there a point where we expect too much – advise too much – help too much and risk pushing our children to academic rebellion rather than academic success?  The Harvard study suggests that as children get older parental involvement has more to do with setting consistent, clear and high expectations rather than checking every homework assignment or following the details of every course.

Our family approaches this very personal challenge by setting realistic high expectations that balance the strengths and interests of our children, our own life experiences and the challenges our children will ultimately face when they become adults.  My wife and I are both very involved in the education of our children – preparing academic enrichment outside of school, setting clear expectations, accepting volunteer opportunities in our children's schools and in the school district, and interacting with a network of parents in the community.

In our experience parental involvement has had a very real and measurable impact – when my older daughter was still in elementary school, STAR testing results indicated that she was struggling in math.  I created a weekend "Math Club" held for 30-45 minutes every Saturday and Sunday – acting as a math tutor for my daughter.  We struggled early on – there were times when it was no fun for her or me – but we found a way to make it work.

Math Club continued through middle school and became part of our routine.  The payoff (not immediate) was consistent A's in math and a 4.0 GPA that has continued into her freshman year of high school.  Looking back and thinking about the Harvard study I was helping not just by tutoring but also by setting expectations.  I knew my daughter was smart enough to excel in math (even though math wasn't – and isn't – her favorite subject), and over time her confidence in math increased.  I tried to be consistent in positive encouragement and never criticized an average result where I knew she'd worked hard and tried her best.  Our younger daughter, looking up to and watching her sister learn and grow, is now looking forward to her turn at Math Club.  Our involvement in our older daughter's education is having a positive impact on our younger daughter.

With our older daughter now entering her sophomore year our involvement has shifted to broader themes – organizational skills and time management, building a portfolio of experiences for college applications and enjoying (not just surviving) high school. And for our younger daughter, in her last year at Green Elementary School, we remain active in her homework, volunteering in the classroom or on field trips when we can and setting realistic high expectations.

How you help your children excel in school while enjoying the experience is a very personal decision.  Know, however, that your involvement and expectations make a difference.